Reader Email: My Husband Cheated. Now He Wants To Have Sex With Me.

The Eroticist’s Advice

Dear Eroticist,

I’m going through. My Husband cheated and I took him back. You may ask why, but I’m not letting anyone else have my man. But now that we are back together, how do I have sex with him after all this? The sex part is very hard for me,  much harder than just having him back in the house. He’d moved with his mistress and they lived together for two months. It didn’t work out and he came back to me. I took him back. I know I was stupid for that. But he is my husband. What can I do to have sex with him again? I keep thinking about them and what it was like, and why he is back with me.

-Signed, I Can’t Fuck My Cheating Husband


Y’all are getting heavy with shit ain’tcha. Mr. Drama and I have discussed this one and we are on the same page. Let’s jump in.

You said that he is recently back living with you after living with the other woman for a short stint, and I know this has to be extremely hard to deal with on so many emotional levels. You have your commitment to your husband, and he has dashed his and now he wants to act like the lyrics of an R&B song and come crawling back.

lovepain

Look, I am not a marriage counselor, I haven’t been married, but I do know allll about emotions. “Emotional” should have been my middle name.

I feel it is good to have him back in the house with you, because it is yours together. That is part of the commitment. This is part of the whole swing of things you didn’t need to wait to get back. Giving him your body again: I won’t say do it on the first night of him lying in your marital bed.

trustfall

Advice Breakdown 

The emotions, why he didn’t have that tight emotional tie with you before the cheating to keep him from cheating, are such which needs to be investigated the hell out until you hit the heart of the matter. If he wasn’t ever the type of to open up, get real now. He isn’t going to be easy to get this out of. I say to be direct in what you need to know. Speak your heart and share yours and require him to do the same. There is no real work he can do if he isn’t giving you the truth from his heart, not that found in his head where it’s easier to uncover things to say that he feels you want to hear, or he feels are easier to say.

If he isn’t going to open up, I say commitment is void.

You can’t be in a healthy relationship with another person by yourself. Get what I mean?

As soon as you read this tell him what you require. You must have an open stream of communication about what he expects out of your relationship post-affair, and you need to set clear requirements for him to make you trust him again. And for you to fuck him again, you must be able to trust him again.

commitment

As the trust grows, I feel that you will want to have sex with your husband. You will open yourself up to him to come to have you. With the trust back, what she did with him, and what he did to her, why he liked her, what is so great about her body compared to yours, and things of that nature won’t jump into your head all the time when you think of having sex with him. And I think that is what the problem is mostly anyway.

With a strong bond of trust, comes personal security.

Take your time, reader. This is a test of work ethic here.

I’m not one to easily give up, but if I felt it going that way, I’d get it over before I let him pop my coochie again.

That’s just me. And this was my regular Jane advice.

Good luck and best wishes in the good stroke coming back to your lives together.


If you have a question for The Eroticist to answer, the inbox is open. Write to: TheEroticistsAdvice at g mail dot com (make it look like a real email address before sending), and your questions and my answers will hit this blog on Tuesdays. 

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