Category Archives: My F-ing Opinion

Snot And Sex. Stop, Or Keep Going? Eew?

It’s hayfever season. You’re sneezing every 2 seconds. Sometimes there’s dripping. Sometimes there are green chunks. All in all, your nose is a nasty tunnel of mucus, but your pussy is hot and the only thing to make you feel better is to cum. You go to your man. He says, “I’ll give you some”.  You lie on your back on the bed. He climbs on top. The stroke is making your orgasm climb, then all of a sudden…

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You sneeze and a giant green booger shoots out of your mouth (yes, mouth!) into his open mouth, with accompanying yellow and white germ missiles. Should he stop, or he hasn’t finished his job yet? You have yet to cum?

It’s moments like these when you realize what kind of freaky deak you are sleeping with. Mr. Drama screamed, “Hell Yes! Keep going. Remember that time you blew brown chunks out the other end and you couldn’t go on after you cleaned up? I wanted to.”

Sir!

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Just no. Boogeys in my mouth, and shit anywhere on my body, I’m stopping. Shit just got out hand.

As for the nasty bastard I have sex with, if the dick wasn’t so good and the stroke so deadly…

Funny, I have no problem doing this though.

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Hold on. I gotta go cum.

3 Ways To Swerve Your Girl Throwing You The Pussy… And You’re A Girl.

When I say I am a sex goddess, I don’t just mean with the men. Women lust hard for this pussy too. What is it, the smell of my hair? The thickness in my lips? My pretty tits?

Sometimes it’s good to get some pussy thrown at you, other times you just want a tired bitch to sit her ass down on a boulder of ice and let her pussy glacial-ize.

I’ve swerved some of the biggest female beasts I didn’t want to touch me, and I’ve also dodged having to see my friends naked when they thought it was time to take things to the next level.  One particular friend, and one night after visiting a spot with dangling sex toys on a wall, a cash register inside, and a huge sign out front, gives me flashbacks all the time.

Why, ma’am, as we soon as we arrived back at your place, you had to get undressed and changed into a skimpy ass bathrobe before you invited me back to your bedroom to “talk”?

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When I’m in one these “nasty for all the wrong reasons” situations, here’s what I do:

  1. Blame it on the kids. If you’re a parent, you know the advantages of having your kids to save you. Tell her the kids are sleepy. Suddenly the kids have an elaborate bedtime routine that involves singing, dancing, three reenacted stories, and fresh baked cookesfrom scratch! After three hours, she will be too annoyed to push. *If you don’t have kids, or none are available, lay it on your needy ass man. If you don’t have one, blame it on your mama. Just use anyone’s neediness as your rescue.
  2. Tell her, she’s too much like a sister for you to part her pussy lips with your tongue. This doesn’t have to be lying if you do care for her that way, but if you have to “Stretch Armstrong” some truths, DO IT. I won’t be mad. Keep it cute and light. You don’t want to make her cry. If you do, then she can take your tactic to make into a pretzel so that you will give in. Nope!
  3. Remind her of your crotch rot! Again, just make up shit. If she wants to rock pussies with you after that, lose her number and never look back. People say kissing is the most intimate act. I say eating pussy is. I am not saying everyone turns down sick twat, but if they won’t, you don’t need them in your life. If they will knowingly eat a cottage cheese dripping pussy, that nasty bastard will do anything.

It may be easier to have your first pussy fest with a friend, and it may be convenient to fuck them regularly, but not all friends are good enough to look at after you’ve munched. The truth is always better, but sometimes you just don’t feel like telling it.

Trust! I know. The truth has lead to too many hours and days long conversations/interrogations that I don’t have the attention span, nor temperament to endure.

When not interested…

Swerve!

but if the circumstances are totally different, and you actually want that P, feel free to bathe her.

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Bumping Pussies With A Man

I continuously align myself with some old, stank ass adult groups on these social media sites. I ain’t showing no ass. Y’all already know that. So here’s the deal. I was in a group for mature adults. It isn’t necessarily full of dick pics and pussy shots, but sometimes one may be posted. Today was one of those days. But look. Where’s the dick? Mr. Your pussy is showing.

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I am no stranger to a fat bitch, but when your dick print looks like a pussy print, it’s time to think things through. It’s a good thing this guy is gay, or is it. Shit was posted on a gay Tumblr.  Who really wants a man with a pussy print? A moose knuckle pussy print at that. I’m not one to bash, but I he’d have to eat me into a coma before I’d struggle with all that. Lifting his gut to suck his dick, I don’t want to know what the cheese smells like under there.

I’m still no skinny myself, at least I will never think of myself as so. Do I have to do the splits on top of that pinky toe of dick, or would it be best to let him sit his belly on my middle back when he hits it doggy.

Fuck it. Just be gay. Who can fuck this unless they weigh 105 pounds and do their shopping in the kiddie section?

Sir, you and your pussy cat can get the fuck out of here and never come back. Naw, you don’t have to eat it up to impress me either. I’ll pass.

Wait, is that all balls, and he’s tucking the dick? Huh? Honey, I just don’t get it.

But back to the post made about this pic in the stank ass group I am in. The original question to go with the pic was “would you have sex with him for 2 years rent paid”.

There I go with the irony again.
There I go with the irony again.

Shit naw! Bumping pussies? Why would I do that with a man? I can get a girl, thanks.

I am okay with average sized dicks. Y’all know that, but I need to be able to get to it. Chile if it’s like that for you, you will feel abused once I keep blowing you off, then if I let you fuck, during the struggle I’m going to have trying to bang you with my uncoordinated self, and the giggles once I start laughing.

But speaking of pussy. Here’s some for you. Can you taste it?

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Then let me suck it, baby.

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I won’t miss a stroke as I gulp sweetness.

His Dick Is Too Little, And Her Pussy’s Probably Too Big If…

He has to climb up in that thang and holllllldddd his body in tight so his dick won’t slip out. Just stroking mashing his shit in. Or his shit won’t get up.

Either way, he shouldn’t be posting videos online of himself fucking.

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That is all. See ya Tuesday!

#TrueLife #ThrowAReignAroundHerNeckSoYouWontFallin and #CutThatDamnTvDown #Damn

Sweet Submissive Pussy: Giving It Up For A Better Relationship

Facebook is where we all go isn’t it, to have the most stimulating conversations? I don’t, but I always end up finding something interestingly repetitive there in a group or on some super talkative friend’s page. In such places, I read the same points made against submission, and now and then I’m surprised by the opinions of it. A religious mention of God’s intention for a wife to submit to her husband comes up every time. You ought to know we ain’t doing that here, but there is a question relevant for this brand of blog. Does that biblical rule refer to sex too, or are people taking it there on their own? Although some women claim to be heavily religious, they buck that submissive conversation every time. A new admission I read was from a woman who said she didn’t truly understand what submission was in the first place.

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Submission only is allowing another person the lead because you believe in their ability to do such a job with your best interest as they would their own. Submission isn’t about weakness or crawling on your knees. Why would do people submit though? I submit in my relationship, sexually, and not, because I have to be dominate in EVERY other aspect of my life. I need a time and to be with a person who allows me to have the other side. I don’t even think I’m good at dominating because I don’t care to do it. So maybe it is I have to lead, but I am not a dom. In my relationships, I have to be submissive for it to last. The facts show if I am appointed to dominate, I become abusive. I think that is out of anger. I recognize love isn’t damaging. So a man who can’t lead me, has to leave me.

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I know that everyone won’t submit. I will, but I am not doing so to someone who is hurtful, who wants to crush my spirit, or who is a submissive themselves. I think that is a benchmark for deciding to submit to a partner. Leaders, doms, charges, need a tender heart to not hurt the ones they love. Would the submissives out there agree with me when I say submission and domination definitely aren’t about abuse? It isn’t, but threshold of pain and intensity desired is different for everyone. You tell me how it looks right here.

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Get love how you can. If you want it submissively, have it. It’s perfectly fine. Remember, it’s in the Bible, or so I heard.

See you on Tuesday for The Eroticists Advice. Send your problem into the eroticistsadvice at g mail dot com. We’ll answer it anonymously and post it on the blog.  Interviews will start on the blog on Thursdays. If you want one, send your info to princess at ladrama princess dot com or info at ladrama princess dot com.

Lesbians: Using Dildos, But Unattracted To Men. Reality To Porn

It’s the strangest thing about lesbians that any person can question. “Why do lesbians use dildos and vibrators if they aren’t attracted to men?” It’s a vagina. It was made for penetration. G-spots were made to be rubbed until orgasm. Dildos can help with that. Big whoop! Personally, my question always is, “why is it in lesbian porn movies and scenes (girl-on-girl sex because the actors aren’t always lesbian), especially in scenes with black chicks, the women hardly ever just eat the pussy?” In real-life, we don’t usually question if lesbians eat pussy, but if we only had porn as an indication of what happens in real-life relationships, dildos and vibrators would be all we would know lesbians for using.

Makes sense? No?

Here it is: when a family member comes out as a lesbian, grandma didn’t faint because she was worried about Tonya getting stuck by a train of dildo toting chicks. She fell out and landed on the china cabinet because she just couldn’t understand her baby going down on some sticky pussy, with her mouth.

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For a long time there,  there was an outcry for black lesbian porn movies and scenes to chill on the dildo play. Dildos were crutches that women used in adult movies to not really have sex with a woman. That’s how women who’ve spoken out about this issue viewed what was happening.

The real-life lesbians I know, who have sex with women only, they don’t use sex toys. It’s their own fingers, pussies, and anything else, but no dildos or vibrators. No strap-ons either. They have shared with me that they do not see a need to use aids or props in their sex lives. My friends are a small group, and there are women who have sex with women and they do use toys. Am I saying they aren’t lesbian, that those women have defaulted their sexuality as bisexual?

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No.

Using sex toys is a personal preference.  Indeed, they were created as aids in sexual activity. Couples use them to enhance sex play. To only have sex with them, every time, yes, in my opinion that makes the use of them a crutch.

When watching straight porn, count the dildos and vibrators you see. Compare that number to the amount you see in black lesbian porn. The black lesbian porn will always have an outrageous amount of fabricated dicks in it compared to any other porn out there. White lesbian porn, gay porn, orgy porn, they all have way less sex toys in them than the ones with black girls on black girls. Don’t get me started on black BBW lesbian porn.

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People will read this and say, “who cares, it’s porn”. I care! And I suspect you really do too. People watch porn for ideas. Some say that we make our ideals about sex based on the negativity porn creates about sex. I think that is true for some people, although I don’t think that’s widespread, but if it is true, we don’t want women to believe they need to buy a box of dildos and straps to use with their girl.

That’s just wrong. The human body is well equipped to excite without the support of prosthetic extensions.

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I know. Me. I actually said that.

A toy is good. I like them. I use them. I don’t want to see them all the time when a pussy could get off much better with just the tongue and the hand. ESPECIALLY when the scene is super boring with fake sounds and sandpaper coochies. In my research, tongues and hands make the pussy creamier, and her eyes roll up in her head, much more like they do in real-life when you use what nature gave you.